Last updated on December 28th, 2022 at 10:34 am
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For those who are shy and like to keep to themselves, you probably grew up with family members constantly telling you to put yourself out there and make more friends.
I can relate.
Ever since I was a young girl, my family has always encouraged me to meet more people but I would be confused because I don’t need more friends. I already have enough friends. Why do they keep telling me I don’t have enough friends when I do?
They have been saying this to me for YEARS.
At first, when someone tells you something, you might find it ridiculous and laugh it off. You hear it often enough and from more than one person, the insecurity creeps in.
Is there maybe some kind of truth to their words?
I’ve questioned myself more than a few times.
What if I’m this terrible person?
As someone now in their 20s, I think I now have the answer to this. While making more friends is good-intentioned advice, I don’t necessarily agree.
This is why.
It’s Not Always Your Fault
You see, there’s this belief where people assume that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t have a ton of friends.
People also tend to think those with many friends are good people. If you don’t have many friends, something is wrong with you.
Of course, some people are terrible. Them not having friends is not surprising.
What about the rest of us?
Not all of us belong in that category.
It boils down to your personality and lifestyle.
For example, what’s your job?
If you work alone or remotely, you lose out on all those work lunches and coffee breaks with colleagues. That’s how many adults meet friends, through work.
It can also be your personality. Some people aren’t good at reaching out or responding to others.
You could be a shy person so it’s hard to put yourself out there.
Or your friends have betrayed you in the past and now you’re left guarded and alone.
The point is that things are not so black and white. It’s not snap judgment where you can immediately say someone is a good or bad person based on how many friends they have.
While I understand why people think a good person should have a lot of friends, it’s not always the case.
Some of the best people I’ve met don’t have a lot of friends.
Do You Need More Friends?
Do you need new friends? Well, it depends.
What are your goals when it comes to friends?
Is it meeting more people to expand your network? (Okay I know it might sound bad but hey, I’m just being honest.)
Are you trying to look for more close friends? What’s your current friend cirle now?
There is a difference because it depends on how much time and energy you’re putting into this process.
To meet new acquaintances, it’s more about meeting many people but having superficial relations. You don’t have to keep in contact as often.
On the other hand, trying to find close friends likely requires more effort and time from both parties.
Once you know your goal, there are a bunch of ways you can go about meeting new people.
How to Make New Friends
Work is an easy way to expand your network. You work with your team and hopefully also interact with other teams in the company. While work friends are great, you need to be cautious, especially if you’re on the same team. There could be an overlap in goals like a promotion. Things can get ugly quickly.
Another way of meeting new people is through your current friend circle. When you have large get-togethers with friends, this is the perfect time to meet potential friends. Spend time talking to new people and go from there.
There’s also finding a hobby you like and meeting people there. For example, if you enjoy baking, take some baking classes after work. You already have a common topic so it’s easier.
Some of you can even consider going back to school (if you have that opportunity). There’s something about the classroom environment that bonds people together. Through assignments, you’re forced to spend time with your classmates and get to know them better.
A piece of advice I would give is to not be so quick to dismiss people if they don’t tick all your boxes away.
Some of my friends are connected through our childhood. If I were to meet them now, I’m not so sure that I would be as eager to be friends.
You might not even bother getting to know them better if a person didn’t give off a solid first impression.
But sometimes it’s through digging deeper underneath that you’ll know if you truly vibe with some people.
Some of my friends look completely different than me on the outside but we’re similar at the core.
Different doesn’t necessarily mean bad.
It’s an important lesson I’ve learned so try to keep an open mind when meeting new people.
Connect With Old Ones
You can even reach out to people you’ve lost contact with over the years through social media. Meet them out for a drink or dinner if they’re in the same city.
It might be strange to hit them up after years but most of the time, the worst thing they can do is not respond. If that’s the case, you can comfort yourself by saying that you’ve tried. It’s worth a shot.
People tend to moan about how it’s so hard to meet friends but it’s not impossible.
There are ways to meet people but you need to put yourself out there. No one is going to knock on your front door and say, ‘Hi! Let’s be friends.’
If someone did, you’d probably think they’re crazy and close the door on them.
Friendship Has Different Definitions
As someone who takes friendship seriously, I don’t easily call a person a friend but for others, a lot of people are a friend.
I am doubtful when people say they have a lot of close friends. It takes time and effort to keep up with any relationship.
It can also get tiring to keep in contact with a lot of people.
If you guys are close friends but barely reach out to one another, can you still consider them a close friend? Maybe but doesn’t a part of you feel guilty for not chatting more?
As for acquaintances, it’s a different story because there is usually minimal contact.
Like I said earlier, it all depends on your goal and what kind of friends you want.
Final Thoughts – I Don’t Need More Friends
People share advice based on THEIR life experiences. They might THINK they know what’s best for you but it’s actually not the case.
Even those closest to you.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide if the little nugget of advice about making more friends is worth following. This popular piece of advice is not applicable to everyone.
Listen to your instinct, think about your goals, and judge for yourself whether or not you need to make new friends.
If you’re happy with your current network then no, you don’t need to make new friends. Cherish the ones you have already and keep them close.
Now to You – I Don’t Need More Friends
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