Last updated on May 15th, 2023 at 11:19 am
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Nowadays, you hear about more adults moving back home with their parents.
People do it all the time but it’s still a weird feeling when it happens to you.
Like millions of other people my age, I moved out of my parent’s place to go to college in Boston.
When I moved back to Hong Kong, it was back with them again.
Once you leave, you don’t really think about moving back home.
But life gets in the way and when you do move back, you’ll find yourself learning a lot of lessons.
This is what you’ll learn.
Moving Back Home Lesson #1 – You Are Not The Same
Living outside by yourself makes you realize how different you are from your parents.
Growing up, you followed their rules and routine. What they did was your normal.
Until you go out to the world and find a new normal. Then you come back to your childhood home and realize a lot of things are the same but you’re not.
Moving back home can make you feel like a teenager again but the truth is, you’re no longer a kid.
Your parents might be stuck in their same old ways but you see things differently now.
The few years you’ve lived out in the real world have changed you. You’re no longer the same person.
You might even form a different type of relationship with your parents when you move back home. After all, you see them with adult eyes now.
2) It’s a Lot of Compromises
Moving back home means you’re in their territory.
Going from living by yourself to moving back home with your parents will be especially tough in the beginning.
You were so used to doing whatever you wanted.
There was no need to report to anyone about your plans.
If you wanted to come home at 1 am, you can. If you wanted to stay in for the whole weekend, you can.
You might still be able to do all of the above but you have to be more considerate of the fact that you’re living with your parents again.
One thing is for sure: there will be compromise on both ends.
3) You’ll Both Need Time to Adjust
Your parents might still nag you about stuff even though you’re a fully grown adult.
They also might be knocking on your door often to get your attention.
When enough time has passed, you kind of forget what it’s like living with your parents.
It’s the same from their perspective. Coming back is just as much as an adjustment for them.
Even though you’re their child, they’ve gone years without you living with them. Having an extra person in the house again is going to be weird at first.
You guys will need some time to find that equilibrium.
4) Spending More Time With Them
We’re so busy with our own lives that hanging out with our parents is probably not on our priority list.
Now that you’re home, you get to spend more time with them. It could be simple things like watching the latest TV show, having late-night chats or cooking together.
You can even do things together last minute.
Living with people means you can be more spontaneous. Just knock at their door whenever because they’re literally so close.
Want to go grocery shopping to buy some ingredients to try a new online recipe?
Hold on for a minute. Let me go change and then we can head out.
It’s not that you can’t hang out with people on a whim you don’t live with but the situation is a bit more complicated. You got to text or give them a call first to see if they pick up. Then, you’ll have to schedule where and when you’re going to meet.
Living together erases most of that.
It’s way easier to make plans and spend more time together under one roof.
My dad and I got to have some bonding time by going to eat at One Harbour Road and Tai O Fishing village. If I wasn’t living with them, we might not have done some of these pretty spontaneous activities.
5) Your Parents Got Older
Depending on how often you saw them during the years you moved out, you might be surprised at how much older they’ve gotten.
Their laugh lines got deeper and their hair got greyer. It’s startling because you don’t think about your parents getting older when you were younger.
You just assume they’re around forever. Or it’s something you don’t even dare to think about.
Seeing them physically age makes you realize they’re human. That you took their presence for granted.
6) Saving Money on Expenses
One of the biggest pros of moving back home is saving money on expenses. Adulting is expensive!
Your living expenses and student loan debt are usually a person’s biggest financial burden.
Living at home will help you cut down on your biggest expense, which is a really nice feeling.
Depending on your financial situation, it might even give you some flexibility to splurge a bit. You can go to eat at nice restaurants or buy that designer handbag you’ve been eyeing.
However, don’t be completely loose with your money. Monitor your spending as it’s easy to get caught up in unnecessary expenses.
Don’t also forget to save money aside for your emergency fund. Your future self will thank you.
We don’t have an unlimited amount of money, people!
7) You’ll Feel Envious
Although more adults are moving back to live with their parents, not all your friends are going to do so.
You might be even jealous that they don’t have to. There’s a social stigma attached to moving back home as an adult.
You’re supposed to do adult stuff.
Be independent and be free!
Except the people around you are doing just that while you’re with your parents.
Moving back home is not exactly the most exciting thing to do in your 20s.
The feeling of envy is bound to come out once in a while but keep it in check.
People might judge you but there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Comparing yourself to other people’s living situations will not change yours.
When you do move out of their place eventually (and most of you will), you’ll look back and appreciate the extra time you had with them.
Also, how lucky are you to have the option of moving back home? Not everyone has that.
8) Having Less Privacy
This goes with living with anybody but you’ll have less privacy when you’re home, especially in Hong Kong, where they are known for their small spaces.
You can’t invite people over randomly but you can stay still connected with friends by scheduling hangouts outside your home. It gives you an opportunity to go outside and discover a new restaurant or new place within your city.
It can also be hard to rest comfortably because you can hear everything going on.
I’m almost always on alert because it feels like my parents will call my name any second.
That’s when your earphones come in handy.
Listen to music if you’re in a bad mood or need some self-love time.
When you have your earphones in, doesn’t it feel like it’s just you and your music against the world? The feeling is so addicting.
9) Being Their Go-To Tech Person
Us millennials grew up with technology so many of us are probably decent with it. Now, I’m nowhere near an expert level but I can generally figure things out on my own.
Most of our parents aren’t great at technology. When you’re with them, they’ll probably be asking you for tech advice even though you might not even be that good.
It might stroke your ego though because you’re helping them out.
Living with your family means saving money, helping out with housework and having homecooked meals prepared for you. In return, you can use your advanced technical skills to help them when they need it.
10) Unsolicited Advice
To them, you’re always their baby even though you’re a grown adult in your 20s.
They will dish out all kinds of advice and share stories about their experience.
My dad likes to do the ‘back in my day…’ talk.
Their advice can be extremely valuable. They’re sharing this because they don’t want you to make the same mistakes as them. Your parents are trying to help you.
Other times, you will get really annoyed.
You don’t need advice on EVERYTHING, especially unsolicited advice.
Also, what worked back then might not be relevant now. A lot of things have changed this past few decades.
When you’re with someone all the time, you will get frustrated.
With other people, you might try harder to control it but with your parents, you might be sloppy with dealing with those negative emotions because they are some of the closest people to you on this planet.
Try your best to be patient.
Moving Back Home Lesson #11 – Communicate!
If there’s one thing you need to remember about this list, it’s to communicate with your parents – boundaries, rules, expectations, and your feelings.
Verbalize your thoughts out loud because no one can read your mind.
By communicating, you understand each other better.
There will be some disagreements with your parents about all kinds of stuff. At the end of the day, learn how to communicate with them to make moving back home a smoother experience.
There is a reason everyone is always emphasizing communication.
Final Notes – Moving Back Home
I was inspired to write this post because a lot of people my age experience this.
It’s becoming increasingly common and this pattern is not going away anytime soon.
The living situation with your parents might be bumpy at times (your parents are seriously going to test your patience) but there are also a lot of good sides to moving home.
Now to You – Moving Back Home
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Xoxo,
Nicole